[Final Update] I could use Oppo's hivemind (Personal Post).

"404 - User No Longer Available" (toni-cipriani) 12/02/2019 at 19:58 • Filed to: Relationships

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Buffer Image... sort of.

Yeah, she drives one of these.

I want to see what is the Oppopinion on this.

So I met up with a girl from work. Initially we were co-workers and not quite, since she is technically with a different company my company hired for consulting, but we were on the same project. Started hanging out a few times for coffee, snacks, went to a fair together, and invited her and her friends over for a dinner party and board games over the long weekend. For the heck of it I also baked her cookies for her birthday since she complimented them in the past.

A week ago I saw a movie releasing and ask if she wanted to watch it. She expressed interest so I suggested grabbing dinner at a place she said she wanted to try, and then watch the movie. Started planning it, getting tickets and confirmed plans with her.

...and then she asked me if it was a date. Admittedly I do have feelings for her and after some pushing from my friends, I answered yes.

This was last night. She started off saying she’s traditional and likes it classy, and then reminded me to dress well, so I followed the instructions. Got her a flower, went for the dinner and movie. Being my usual self of not knowing how to talk to people most of the time unless it’s about work/cars/computer stuff, there was a lot of dead air and silence, during dinner, walking to get the car and such. In the past she also pointed out I was quiet as well.

After the movie, I took her home, but on the way she was looking at the moon and said she wanted to look at it closer, and told me to go to a nearby park. Walked down a trail and looked at the stars for a bit, she once again pointed out the silence was awkward and made it feel like I wasn’t interested in her, and then we head back. Dropped her off, and I went home. When I got home, she dropped me a note thanking me for the flower, and sent a pic of the flower in a vase. Today she’s still messaging me and stuff, and asked me to install the phone game she has been playing.

I’m not sure what to make out of this whole situation... I’m extremely inexperienced with this.

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UPDATE:

I could use the hivemind help again. And I’m thinking of calling it quits.

So it’s been about a month now, we’ve been going out, sometimes alone but also a few times with other friends. Went to a magic show, had some house parties, board game cafe meetups, stuff like that. On the surface everything seems rosy.

...except the being quiet part. I don’t know if I still couldn’t get over my social anxiety or I’m still incredibly nervous with messing up with the relationship, I still can’t get around the being quiet thing. And she’s becoming more vocal about it.

Especially the past week, everything fell off a cliff.

The past Saturday, I got an invite from her to go to the movies. Initially she said another coworker that I knew was coming, but he couldn’t make it, and another of her friend that I didn’t know came along instead.

We watched the movie, then afterwards went to a pub for a late dinner. Right off the bat walking into the pub, she brought up the “being quiet” thing again. So I started off as usual, I didn’t really say much. Took me a bit to warm up then started to have a bit more topics, about the movie, etc. The said friend said he had a Miata, and we started talking about guns as well since I saw him looking up a gun range that I know of.

After we went home, she checked up on me whether I got home, as usual, and we messaged for a bit. Started off positive, she was like “look, you made a friend by talking!”. Also pointed out how she wondered if we will ever get the chemistry. I joked saying the chemical there was ethanol, but in reality was that I tend to only talk more when I actually know the subject.

That was when she came back to me she said she is still “uncomfortable with silence with new people until she really knows them, it’s a dilemma”. That “them” being me...

I think she took it the wrong way thinking I meant “take it or leave it”, but I meant to say it takes some time for me to get over this. After that I did reflect and came up with some ideas on how to fix this. Though for the past week, I started to think it might be a bit futile. Her reactions and responses started to get cold. And it almost felt like she was trying to avoid me. I’m thinking she actually lost patience already.

I talked to a friend of mine that was at a dinner party together, he seems to agree that there isn’t chemistry between us, but not necessarily because we don’t like each other, but rather we’re too similar. It seemed as if we’re too used to being by ourselves to the point we aren’t really opening up.

As much as I treasure this relationship, I’m starting to think letting go might be the right thing to do, if like she said it makes her uncomfortable.

There’s some stuff going on after work tomorrow, so I’m trying to ask if she has some time after that to talk it over. I’m still on the fence about all this, but it might just be easier for both of us before things really get awkward, at least for the next few months when we’re still in the same office.

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UPDATE 2, probably final:

I gave up . I cracked under pressure and couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Last week was an effin’ roller coaster. The Friday that I was supposed to talk to her to end it, one thing lead to another, I couldn’t, and I didn’t.

That night I was supposed to drive her home after the office thing so we can talk in private , but it turned out the office was closed off for some event, so a bunch of us went to a bar to play pool instead. It got late and one thing lead to another, instead of driving her home, I drove a bunch of others home instead.

At the bar, I didn’t think too much, until I saw another couple on a date night playing pool, then I started imagining me and her were them. AND she asked me to teach her to play, and I held her hand for the first time to teach her to shoot the cue. At that moment I had a change of heart and felt I would regret this.

The weekend after, she messaged me a few times, asking if I wanted to talk, and we finally agreed to have lunch on the Sunday to talk it over. I didn’t give the let go speech, but tried to work it out. She finally spelt out the awkwardness, it wasn’t just the quietness, but a few other things, in particular that she didn’t like how I use the word “we” when we don’t have a DTR (at that moment I didn’t know WTF was this) , saying I skipped a step. We just chatted a bit more and went our ways.  

Later she messaged me (while my phone was a bit broken and I was fixing it) , and asked if it would work better if we just messaged, since she said I seem to have trouble with my words and the message allowed a buffer for me to think through what I want to say. We discussed that for a bit, and then she said she wanted to know what I wanted. I told her I shouldn’t be messaging her this and suggested a phone call when I get a working one up and running. Felt the moment was lost, she said I was insincere for having her do this.

I left her alone for a bit, and only a day after I messaged her some silly unimportant things, kind of trying to restart the casual convo. Out of the the blank she switched to serious mode and gave me a (really long) speech on how to deal with girls, and how I can’t always be “genuine” and just try to say what girls want to hear. Like she was giving me dating advice on how to get her, but a few of the words also made it feel like she just wanted me to go find someone else. Told her I needed some time to let it sink in and I left it at that. Message was kinda confusing at the moment.

Then I had a deep thought on what I really wanted to do and after a few chats with friends, everyone said I was dragging her on for way too long, either I just ask her to confirm the relationship or just let her go. But I was still a bit mystified by the final message on what she really wanted. Somehow I ended up with deciding to ask, building enough courage.

Messaged her to see if she had time to talk, and I was supposed to meet her at night. I wanted to go a quiet place near her, so I asked if a place near her was quiet or noisy. It was actually snowing pretty bad so I was debating cancelling, and then she asked what was the talk about. I told her I wanted “ to clarify some stuff” and since she asked what I wanted and I left her hanging, I wanted to speak my mind. Guess she sensed what I wanted to ask, and she said back to me saying she had a “bad feeling” since guys should be taking the initiative, yet I was asking her to pick a location.

So I just said I’ll call it off, since I got the clarification. Then she said she actually wanted to clarify as well but okay to do it through text: said she was moving on. Yet somehow she kept asking me what I was going to talk to her about. I froze again and couldn’t answer, I didn’t know what she wanted.

Next morning I just left her a brain dump on message. And that was it. I couldn’t deal with the emotional stress that dating brings. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

This is probably the final update... thanks for bearing with me. I just needed a closure somehow. 

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 00:22

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It seems like she likes you, but doesn’t know what to do either.

Two peas in a pod 

Spanfeller is a twat > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 00:22

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I don’t like it when people ask me if something is a date...

Goddamn, just let it be!

Also, by context it seems like she wanted you to pull a move at the park.

For Sweden > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 00:23

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but on the way she was looking at the moon and said she wanted to look at it closer

I hope it’ s obvious that she wanted to walk through the park with you, not look at the moon. Climbing up a hill to look at a celestial body more closely is a terrible astronomy practice, unless you hiked up an enormous mountain.

Here’s your plan:

Buy a telescope. This one looks decent: https://shop.astronomerswithoutborders.org/collections/frontpage/products/awb-onesky-reflector-telescope

Suggest telescope date night

Don’t miss the obvious hints

Spanfeller is a twat > For Sweden 10/21/2019 at 00:25

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I’m just worried, how cold is Canada at night in October... that must’ve been a chilly walk.

CB > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 00:25

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Things that feel forced are a little awkward. Next time, just hang out. I guess it’s your turn to decide the next date if you’re interested in her.

Have fun with it. 

CB > For Sweden 10/21/2019 at 00:25

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I'd argue with you, but this may be the best suggestion you've had on this forum.

For Sweden > Spanfeller is a twat 10/21/2019 at 00:26

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“I’m going to walk though a dark park in Canadian October alone with a man I don’t know particularly well and am willing to take this risk for a romantic pursuit” I mean come on man

For Sweden > CB 10/21/2019 at 00:27

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best suggests any of them are not terrible

Spanfeller is a twat > For Sweden 10/21/2019 at 00:29

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I hope they had their coats on... 

404 - User No Longer Available > Spanfeller is a twat 10/21/2019 at 00:30

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It was actually a warm weekend in Toronto. Night time was almost 10C, only got colder this morning.

Spanfeller is a twat > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 00:32

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That’s too cold for me still, lol.

404 - User No Longer Available > For Sweden 10/21/2019 at 00:44

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There is a major meteor shower coming up, I suppose: https://www.theweathernetwork.com/ca/news/article/fall-astronomy-2019-rare-transit-of-mercury-meteor-showers-conjunctions

RacinBob > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 00:50

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Dude, she is into you. Go spend time together doing things you both like. Don’t over think it, it’s all about the experience. It’s your turn to make your pick of a restaurant you like next time.
 
I had my spouse with a first date of saurbratten, Liebsfraumilch, and Alfa Romeo. May you be so lucky. Make her life more interesting which is all we can ask of any partner. 

Ps, the biggest thing is don’t wait 3 weeks for a second date. Move fast.

DutchieDC2R > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 01:52

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Whatever you do, dont grab her by the genitals, we all know what comes from that.....wait, you don't have any aspirations to become president, do you??

Svend > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 03:04

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Sounds like a good date, there was some hints being dropped, etc...

She sounds interested, but brought up the awkward silence a couple of times or so. She’s clearly asking why your being quiet.

she once again pointed out the silence was awkward and made it feel like I wasn’t interested in her

Tell her, be honest about your concerns that it’s been a while. 

Jewish Stig > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 03:36

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This sounds weird....

i feel like she’s throwing you hints?

But i have no idea for what....

Personally, i did the mistake of trying to “upgrade” a work relationship to a real relationship twice.

I f ailed miserably.

And since we spend most of our waking hours at work.

Im a big advocate of “you don’t shit were you eat”.

Your whole situation sounds very fragile to me, and can get out of hand real quick.

Be careful 

jimz > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 05:41

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She sounds a bit self centered and demanding. I wouldn’t pursue it.

shop-teacher > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 07:16

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She pretty clearly likes you, but would like you to talk more. I suggest you be honest and straight forward. Tell her you’re not great at talking to people about things that aren’t cars/work/computers, and then continue to make an effort to get better at it. Maybe think of some topics to talk about before your next date. If you go see another movie, discuss it. Stuff like that.

404 - User No Longer Available > Jewish Stig 10/21/2019 at 08:01

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Well there’s a bit more to that... we’re not co-workers anymore. She’s not on my project anymore and got reassigned. We’re not even sitting in the same office anymore.

Initially I was a bit worried too, since I just started and wasn't even past my probation yet...

Jewish Stig > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 08:14

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Ask yourself these couple of questions,
in case of positive turn of events , that something actually comes out of this, can you handle the “inter-office” talk?
in case of a negative turn of events , how akward will a random coffee break of yours will be when you see her at the kitchen ?

Im sorry that im kinda coming off as a downer here about this, but from my experince, i think you should carefully consider what you are going to do here.
good jobs and good places to work at , are not easy to come by...

404 - User No Longer Available > Jewish Stig 10/21/2019 at 08:20

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I did ask my boss that we’re really only in the office till mid next year, by then we’re returning to our own corporate headquarters. It’s a weird arrangement.

But yes I do understand where your concerns are. She mentioned in the past that she wants to keep matters out of coworkers' ears as well, this was even before this night.

nermal > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 09:07

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1) Don’t be a weenie!

2) It’s ok to not talk a lot if you can get the other person to talk. Just ask them open-ended questions that aren’t too weird or boring. 

3) What she really wanted in the park was for you to climb up a tree, hang upside down from a branch, and make out with her Spiderman-style. DUH!

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 09:21

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Ah to be young, and in Love...

Sorry I don’t have any advice more than what others have said so well already.

404 - User No Longer Available > For Sweden 10/21/2019 at 09:35

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Don’t miss the obvious hints

Sometimes I do wonder if my sis was right about me being a bit autistic... I don’t know how to sense these things, they’re most certainly not obvious to me. Even if I do sense something I don’t know whether it’s the “ correct” thing to do.

66P1800inpieces > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 09:57

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Actually sounds like things are going well.  Movies are not great for conversation.  Find some group events where you both might open up. That board game night sounded good,  do another one since it is cold out.  Or bar trivia night if you are good at that sort of thing.   Takes time to get into a conversation flow with a person who is almost a total stranger.  Learning about each other is the fun part.   

For Sweden > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 11:14

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It takes effort to catch even obvious hints in the moment. It is easier for the rest of us, with big-picture distance and no direct emotional investment.

Thisismydisplayname > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 11:16

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So you went for a moonlit walk and didn’t get any action? Hand holding.... brrr It’s a little chilly out here, oh here’s my coat.... sure is pretty.... oh you’re still cold, rest your hands an her shoulders caress her back.... and you see where it goes. If she’s into it, you can go for the neck kiss, or if you want, even straight up ask her if it’s okay to kiss her now....

Silence is tough though... been there, keep in touch with her and just ask questions about her, simple. Hell, if you want, go for the religious or political questions, see what’s up.  

But duuuuuude a moonlit walk is the shit yo! It’s almost as nice a a stroll on the beach at night.

Thisismydisplayname > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 11:21

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Oh yeah, and don’t worry about the work tie, that’s how I met my Wife.  She was working for the engineer and I was working for the GC.  We had a few meetings and I asked her out.  The only time you really need to be careful is when you’re dealing with a boss/subordinate type deal.  But I see that’s not even an issue from some of your other comments.  My Wife and I would talk for hours while I was driving back and forth to job sites at night.  And when I say talk, I meant I listened a lot.  She would talk mostly.   But it was nice, and I got to know her very well, very quickly.  Good luck.

404 - User No Longer Available > Thisismydisplayname 10/21/2019 at 13:15

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Yeah... unfortunately that is also not my forte, when my brain is already looping, lol.

404 - User No Longer Available > 66P1800inpieces 10/21/2019 at 13:19

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Find some group events where you both might open up.

I did consider that, or at least something not as focused on just sitting there and chatting. Tried booking a hands- on cooking course but the times didn’t work out so trying to find something else to fill that in.

I also thought about bringing along a friend and their SO and make it like a pseudo-double date, since I have two suitors for that. One friend’s SO  is really good at these “get to know you” situations, and another’s actually has mutual friends with her. The only thing I’m thinking that could backfire is it’s doubling down on the “you’re not appearing interested in me” thing since I wouldn’t be driving the convo, i.e. it could be taken the wrong way.

404 - User No Longer Available > Thisismydisplayname 10/21/2019 at 13:42

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On a more serious note though... I don’t know when is it even okay to attempt hand-holding. Let alone the other stuff you mentioned...

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 17:20

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Simply just let go, live in the moment and don’t overthink. Just say what’s on your mind, be yourself, and relax. I know  t he buzzing hype that leaves you feeling awkward and silent but if you take a deep breath and just focus on her and how you feel about her then you should be fine.

diplodicus forgot his password > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/21/2019 at 19:04

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You just take a chance and go for it. If she likes you she won't remove her hand from yours, or pull away if you go for a hug. Don't worry about being awkward. 

smobgirl > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 21:51

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Ehh. None of it sounds great, but I’m gonna go with it’s not you, it’s her. Because it sounds like she has an idea of who/what she wants you to be, and it isn’t who you naturally are. If things haven’t naturally leveled off to something comfortable at this point I don’t think you should have to change yourself to make her happy. But I’m not living it, so...

boredalways > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 21:52

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Unless I missed something, have you told her upfront about your anxieties?  You'd be surprised to find out that women are more than likely to be cool with it.

404 - User No Longer Available > boredalways 11/21/2019 at 21:55

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Yes.

Actually I forgot to mention there was one night I met up with her and actually told her that this was my first time dating and I actually felt nervous over the whole situation. Surprisingly that night there was a bit more chatter, but it died off and became silent again when I drove her home.

Svend > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 22:06

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You need to open up to her.

Explain your anxiety, that you don’t know how to chit-chat or make conversation other than what you know, eg cars, guns, etc... Tell her why you liked her in the first place, let her know there is a part of you that thinks about her even if you can’t talk to her like you’d like to. 

Let her in a little because if you don’t that void is going to get bigger, quieter and more anxious on your side, louder and frustrated on her’s.

Don’t do it over the phone or via text but in person at a neutral place.

It sounds like she likes you, and you sound like you like her, she’s telling you how she feels and your talking to us, talk to her.

Once you’ve got it all out, sure it may go either way. So get on the train and see where it goes because right now, your standing on the station platform and it’s about to go without you.

Yes, I know it’s difficult. I have social anxieties too which don’t even get me close to what you’ve had the last month or so

boredalways > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 22:08

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Well if you like her, just let her know you need a nudge now and then to get you to converse

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 22:16

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I hate to sound stereotypical, but it sounds like it’s a lot of “work” to have basic conversation between you two. Like you both feel like you should be saying/enjoying/something, but it takes effort for the two of you to get conversation and chemistry going. And I have to say, that’s the wrong kind of “work” for a relationship.

Two minute take - you have great compatibility, but not necessarily romantic chemistry. You can be comfortable around each other for a while, whether on a task or in silence, but when the focus is on each other.....it falls apart a bit. Not a bad thing, just that the sparks never lit a fire.

I was reading this post and I contrasted it to a “date night” with my girlfriend we had earlier this week. She’s had some stomach discomfort and a bit of a cold/flu/something so instead of going out, I went over to her place and brought over some chips and pretzels. Somehow, the topic got onto a crossword she had been trying to solve and it had a few prompts for motorcycle words. This began a 2+ hour crossword solving binge where we just sat there, on a couch, eating pretzels and solving multiple crosswords. I haven’t solved a crossword in the better part of a decade but hey, that’s just how it went and we had a great time.

I’m an introvert who is very comfortable with silence, even aro und other people. I hate forced conversation. I know all too well the pain of trying to reciprocate when someone is showing attention and effort in a relationship and I just don’t have it or it takes too much out of me. Nothing against the other person, I just know we’re not romantic partners in that sense. An d that sounds like where you’re at.

404 - User No Longer Available > Svend 11/21/2019 at 22:16

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I pretty much did... and that’s what she came back with saying that she was uncomfortable and it was a dilemma.

Believe it or not... she is the first girl where I can clearly answer honestly the “why do you like me” question, but I’m surprised she never asked it.

I will try to talk to her tomorrow, that’s the plan. Just that not sure if it should be a rollback or an attempt to patch.

Svend > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 22:29

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If you’ve opened up to her about it and s uncomfortable about it, that is quite a dilemma, because it’s not something that can be sorted over night, or even a week or a fortnight.

Is there anything you both like and can talk about and expand on from there?

Danimalk - Drives a Slow Car Fast > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 22:37

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I dont have too much advice on the relationship thing. So metimes it works between people, sometimes it doesn’t.

But I also have trouble with chit chat and small talk. I have learned from by boss, a really outgoing guy, a little trick can be to just ask a lot of questions and let them lead the conversation at first. People like talking about themselves, so just let them tell you everything they are interested in. You may not care at all about what are talking about, but the whole time   just listen for the next thing you can ask a question about. Eventually something will come up and you can contribute your thoughts or experiences to what that say.

Then, when the convo inevitably slows down, just ask another question. :) Not always easy but it’s helped me in unfamiliar social situations and you’ll learn a lot about people. It can be surprising what theyll tell you haha

404 - User No Longer Available > Svend 11/21/2019 at 22:39

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I’d say we bonded over food initially. I first started talking to her over a free ice cream deal, and she really enjoyed it. It was quite funny and cute seeing her trying to clear out the mix-ins they had. And that one time I baked cookies to bring to a meeting at work and she cleared out the box.

Earlier I tried to see if we can go to a cooking class together but the timings didn’t work out, I tried looking for something else and things kinda got in the way.

Svend > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 22:48

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I hope things go well for tomorrow mate, hang in there. 

Chariotoflove > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 22:53

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Reading this I get the feeling you were originally comfortable enough talking to her that it led to hanging out, right? It seems it got awkward once it became “official”.

So on top of the good advice I’m this thread, I’m going to tell you that you need to get back to talking about stuff that interests you both. What do you want to know about her? Ask her those things. Find commonalities in her stories that you can relate to and tell her those. Those shared moments build comfort. What she is telling you is that she wants to know that you are interested in her, and in the things that interest her too. Silence is most often taken as a sign of lack of interest, and she has been telling you that’s how it feels to her  

Of course, if you actually aren’t interested in learning about her, then you should end it. 

Chariotoflove > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 23:01

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That spectrum is broader than most people realize, and definitely extends into the sub clinical realm. There are a lot of people who have serious trouble reading non verbal cues. In fact there is now a thing called NLD, nonverbal learning disorder, in which people feel locked out of the crucial part of human interaction that doesn’t get spoken but that language depends upon.

You can help reset things a little bit by frankly and sincerely  telling her that you like her an awful lot, but that you’re lousy at taking hints and she should just hit you over the head. 

404 - User No Longer Available > Chariotoflove 11/21/2019 at 23:19

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she should just hit you over the head

That’s what she’s been doing, but I felt she it it a bit too hard this time that I woke up from my fantasy.

Chariotoflove > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/21/2019 at 23:20

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Seems to me that she is pretty into you. Almost any girl would have given up by now. 

404 - User No Longer Available > Chariotoflove 11/21/2019 at 23:25

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That “is” could very potentially just be a “was” by now.

Chariotoflove > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/22/2019 at 00:03

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Hard to read from where I am, but in my experience these things can still be pulled out. I proceed by opening my heart up and telling her how much she means to me. Flowers and romantic gestures might help. Writing is another way to help. Sending letters is both romantic and gives you the opportunity to slow down the thought process without the urgency of the nonverbal cues. 

Khalbali > 404 - User No Longer Available 11/22/2019 at 06:58

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I wouldn't necessarily give up early, if you're still interested then you might as well keep trying until it's actually over. If nothing else maybe it will help with future relationships. But as others have said, talk to her about it.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/02/2019 at 20:02

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Re: final update

Good LORD.

404 - User No Longer Available > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/02/2019 at 20:06

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I do have to applaud her patience.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/02/2019 at 20:09

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Yeah you really strung her along there...

404 - User No Longer Available > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/02/2019 at 20:17

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I didn’t mean to. But my anxiety just kicked into high gear. Everything I did felt wrong. The more I think about what to do the worse I felt because I actually thought things would go wrong.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/02/2019 at 20:20

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And indeed they did. Self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps?

404 - User No Longer Available > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/02/2019 at 20:22

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I don’t know. I don’t hate the player, I hate the game.

I hate all the beating around the bush, all the guessing going on, what is a good date, what is a bad date, that kind of crap.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/02/2019 at 20:23

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What are your thoughts on candy corn?

E90M3 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/02/2019 at 20:24

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I don’t understand the hate, it’s not an abomination . Oh wait, were you not asking me? 

404 - User No Longer Available > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/02/2019 at 20:24

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I actually haven’t had sweets in a long time. Sometimes even some whisky tastes too sweet to me.

E90M3 > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/02/2019 at 20:28

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Yeah, I have no idea what to say to that. I was going to try and give some advice, but I don’t think I’m very insightful when it comes to things like this. Best of luck.

404 - User No Longer Available > E90M3 12/02/2019 at 20:35

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Looking back it was already like playing a game with subtitles and popup tips enabled, but I still couldn’t figure it out.

I’m not blaming anyone. I know for a fact I’m in the wrong here.

E90M3 > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/02/2019 at 20:43

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If you look at it as a learning experience , at least you can take something postitive away from it. Plus, if she was into you, you’ve got some positive qualities, so there’s another take away.

At least with my experience these things are never easy. It’s taken me to this year, the 29th year of my life, to find anything meaningful.

wafflesnfalafel > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/02/2019 at 21:15

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R elationships are a pain in the a$$... Knowing what you like and being confident enough to communicate it is important for both of you. I found a lady that only hates me about 30% of the time and I caught her on a good day and married her 25 years ago, so now she gets my retirement if I get hit by a bus.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/02/2019 at 21:25

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Thisismydisplayname > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/03/2019 at 09:36

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Sounds like it’s all for the best. I know I’m a quiet person and I don’t talk much at all, but when my wife and I were dating, she could get me to open up and we could talk on the phone for almost the entire hour I was on the road driving back and forth from work to her place or vice versa. I had a few relationships similar to what you describe, a lot of dead air, but those didn’t last too long. You will find someone who compliments your quietness and it will be awesome. So don’t dwell too much on things, but also, don’t write off her advice, as she has given you some insight into how she felt. And that’s not a trivial thing. But in the end, we are who we are, and the key is finding someone who compliments us.

My wife and I dated for less than 6 months before we knew we wanted to get married, and I’m happy to say we’re still going strong, 13 years and 4 kids later.  But there were some real rough patches.  But in the beginning we both just knew we were good for each other.  Didn’t have to force it, so my only piece of advice is to hold out for someone that really compliments you, and makes the whole relationship thing dead simple.  It doesn’t have to be hard, even if you are a quiet person.  Good luck.

404 - User No Longer Available > Thisismydisplayname 12/03/2019 at 19:05

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Actually when we do snap something we do talk a lot. I mean just the other day after that serious talk she was asking me on how to fix her car scratch, and she seemed really interested.

But it’s a combo of my anxiety over screwing up, and her expectations on what a date should look like collided.

I still like her though, and kinda regret how things ended up. If only I had the courage to step up a bit, but I’m just a human that’s terrible at the human aspect.

Thisismydisplayname > 404 - User No Longer Available 12/04/2019 at 09:09

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Lol, we all have our issues to deal with. Key is finding someone you can just be yourself with. No posturing, acting, or any of that. Think of it this way, can you go to a hotel with this person and piss with the bathroom door open or not? That will tells you a lot about where the relationship stands ;).  Also, we all can do better as in improving ourselves.  When you find someone that makes you want to be better, that’s a great thing.  It’s out there.  Good luck.